Goals versus Vision

I must say I have a bit of an issue with goals. I feel that goals, as soon that they are set, become things to strive for. They are there, you are here and you need to push yourself in order to achieve them. Something about goals feels a bit “cold”. It is as if you set them from the “external” part of yourself.

However vision is something different. Vision comes from inside. It is born from your values and core beliefs. It sits there and glows and twinkles at you. There is more warmth to it. Granted you are still here yourself, but there is something else happening. Vision calls you, pulls you compels you to move forward and embrace it.

Vision is more in line with my belief that we are here to learn how to attract things into our lives rather than strive for them. Vision also carries more flexibility in it which I like. It is not cast in stone. It is there to inspire you not lock you in…

Does all that mean that discipline becomes unnecessary when you have a vision? Not at all. Discipline tied to external goals can seem like “work” or loss of freedom whereas discipline tied to vision becomes an expression of this freedom. Discipline allows you to define your boundaries and let only the things that are of interest to you in.

Vision + Discipline = Creation.

Re-framing

Consider how powerful a coach you will be when you can improve a client’s life. Not by changing all their circumstances – which they are busily trying to do – but by reframing their perspective. Re-framing isn’t about changing someone’s mind. Instead, it is about creating a shift in consciousness to help the client see things in a whole new way. One of the most valuable contributions a coach can make to a client is to help them discern – get clear on – their current perspective and enthuse them to shift into a more empowering one. You can become a very powerful coach mastering the sole skill of re-framing.

All nice and clear, but what is re-framing? In order to understand re-framing maybe we should start by defining framing or the act of putting a frame around an object which is ususally done in order to enhance and bring out its qualities. In life however frames are not just there to enhance. They are there because they give meaning to things and situations. Intrinsically nothing has meaning. Things have meanings because we give them meaning. We frame them, we put them in a context. Imagine a chair in the hands of a “primitive”* tribe used to sit and eat directly on the ground. What would they make of it? Firewood, some would say…

If we change the context of a knife from the hands of a chef to the hands of a thug, the knife acquires a totally different meaning. Fom an instrument of creation it becomes an instrument of destruction. What changed? The knife is still the same and all we did was change the context. This goes to say how important the context is in giving meaning to things. In fact it is the element that gives meaning. Without it, objects and situations lack significance.

Frames are in fact filters. Our own filters, UACs etc. When we change the frame, our perception shifts also and we begin to see the same situation in a totally different life. This is very powerful because while we may not be able to alter circumstances, yes we can alter our perceptions and find the silver lining of every cloud in our firmament.

Where does that leave us as coaches? Coaches can become frame makers. Frame makers practice an art where it pays to be discerning. Obviously you could not fit the same frame to all objects… It is an art in which the artisan brings out the best of whatever it is that they are framing. By focusing on the context instead of only the content, we can help our clients re-frame their thinking and change perspective on issues which may be keeping them idle. Re-framing therefore could lead to action and that is what we want.

Action or Creation?

Most [new] coaches are obsessed with results. “I need to get my client into action!” is the popular belief. We strive to have our clients set themselves SMART goals, make action plans and committ to act. We give them field work, we hold them accountable and we enthuse them into moving forward. Is that process adequate for all types of clients?

Quantum physics laws say that the mere act of observing an event interferes with its outcome. Do we need, as coaches then, to go through all this hard work in order to produce results? Is it just for the client’s sake or sometimes rather for ourselves?

Mature coaches seem to focus more on the client (and less on themselves), hence they use less coaching techniques and practice rather a form of conscious listening. They are attuned to the context and to the creation process. With maturity and growth, the focus seems to naturally shift from Content to Context. There is a sort of zoom out of the situation in order to appreciate the context in which the events are taking place and the frame through which the client seem to be perceiving them. The coach becomes, at that moment, the ultimate Observer allowing a safe space to build around the client for them to begin creating a new reality for themselves. So, in a way, advanced coaching technique is more observation and less technique.

This should make sense when we draw a paralell and consider it in the light of how humans learn new skills. In that process, people travel from unconsciously un-knowing, to conscioulsy un-knowing then to consciously knowing until they reach the final stage of unconsciously knowing. (Think of someone learning how to drive for example…). Our job becomes to provide the space and the “eye” in order to help the client create. We evoke rather than provoke.

This issue is a very powerful one beacause this is how we can add the most value to our clients lives: through creation or by helping the unmanifest become the manifest. 

 

Act, Do Not Re-Act

There are many differences between acting and reacting. So many in fact that we could say they are totally different things. In fact, they also come from completely different places.

For one acting and reacting come from different parts of the brain. Reacting was meant for us to be able to protect ourselves in situations of [physical] danger. In order to be able to face potentially threatening situations, nature has equipped us with a world class response system that, when turned on, gives us the ability to instantly fight or run. It is so perfectly efficient that it can be switched on in a fraction of a second, way before we have had the time to absorb the extent of the situation and devise a response. The fight or flight system comes from the deepest part of our brain. It is sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain.

What makes us different as human beings though is the relative size of our frontal lobe which is where most [analytical and constructive] thinking happens. This system, however, cannot be switched on in a fraction of a second, it needs more time… so obviously it could not be relied upon in a fight or flight situation. This is our center of planned action.

So in a way we can already infer that the first two differences between acting and reacting are the positions in the brain from which each originates and the time span it takes to put each in motion. As one popular saying goes: the difference between reacting and responding is about ten seconds. The time it takes to take a deep breath and hand the control to the frontal lobe.

Why then do we still react so much in the 21st century? Since we live in the age of speed and tit-for-tat, a speedy response is perceived as a plus. So people tend to react instead of pause and think. The trouble with that though is that it is only possible to react if you execute some piece of past programmed software. You don’t have the time to create a new one for the situation at hand. In order to do that you need to be able to think. Thinking opens the door for constructioning new responses. A third conclusion, therefore, is that that reacting addresses the past while responding addresses the present. What is so tragic about that?

Well one aspect that may make reacting an inadequate kind of response in almost every situation, except for physical danger, is that it is responding to some past situation not to the present one. Add to that that reacting comes from the fight or flight system which means the system meant for dealing with threats  and you could have already a pretty warped response to an otherwise normal stimulus. Anybody mentioned UACs?

 

Food for thought…

Some people say we are what we eat. In that case we are just animals since we basically eat the same “stuff” (plants and other animals). And looking at the state of our world and relationships nowadays, it is easy to conclude that indeed we are animals. Not very good ones even, since animals tend to treat their peers and their environment better than we do.

Others say we are what we think. It is well known now that specific thoughts release specific chemicals in our brain which travel down through our body and interact with each and everyone of our cells. This interaction alters the behaviour of our DNA and the way it produces the different proteins that make up our body. Given that we are more or less one big bag of proteins, our thoughts have tremendous effects on who we are. So we are what we think.

Now if beings are what they think, therefore our food is also what it thought before it landed on our plate. And if we are what we eat then we are today what our food was thinking yesterday. Let’s say we wanted to improve the world tomorrow, then we have to improve ourselves today, which in turn, would entail improving the thoughts of our cows yesterday. That is of course if you care about moving out of survival mode i.e. out of the reptilian brain and into the frontal lobe creative mode. So anyone, who is still resisting becoming vegetarian, may want to look into some coaching for their cow before they actually sit down and eat it. ICF has announced that there may be tremendous growth in this new niche in the coming years (people are ever more aware of what they eat). Should ICA consider a new community of pratice where mooing would be perfectly accepted and acknowledged?

Sorry, I am a coach! I have lots of Questions… without Answers.

According to the laws of Quantum Mechanics, everything that makes up our experience of Life is pure Energy. Energy itself is made up of waves and particles (i.e. light). Quantum Physicists say that the mere act of observing an event interferes with it. Experiments that took place to determine the nature of light (wave or particle?) showed that when the scientists were looking for the wave behavior of light, they found only waves but when they were looking for particles, they found only particles. They were not able to explain what had happened to the waves when the particles showed up nor vice-versa. That was until they discovered that light (like all other objects in our World) is both wave and particle and that the mere fact of formulating a specific thought or idea about it was enough to transform its behavior. In other words, Thoughts become Things or Mind creates Matter. Does that mean that you just created my blog?  Did this text materialize because you read it or did you materialize because I wrote it?

In good coaching style, I will not answer these questions for you. You have to come up with your own answers, remember? You may want to post them here, however, as a proof of your existence despite the laws of Quantum Mechanics.

Is Accountability a negative word?

Few people like accountants. But does accountability only refer to accountants and their annoying habits of accounting for everything?

The good news is that no. Accountability in the coaching world refers only to you. Accountability is all about responsibility. So beware next time you declare that you cannot stand accountability since you will be indirectly declaring that you cannot stand being held responsible for your own decisions and deeds. If that were the case you may need to thoroughly analyze why. Why would you not embrace your responsibility towards yourself and others in your life? Embracing your responsibility is the first step in manifesting the life you really want and accountability is nothing but a structure to remind you to do the things you said you were committed to do in order to reach your objectives.

But then again you may just want to sit there and rant… In that you would be better off forgetting about accountability… and coaching.

I want to acknowledge you for getting out of bed today…

Ever felt like building an acknowledging machine? A machine that would understand you and validate each and everyone of your moves, at least those that were not devoid of good intentions? A machine that would “appreciate” you, just that? A machine that would look for the good in you instead of trying to find fault with everything you do or say? A machine that would be the parent you wished you had had when yours was just about to become one but then simply forgot?

Well maybe one day, if you embark on a journey with Startreck you could have your personal robot singing your virtues while you’re speeding to a distant Galaxy… In the meantime, dear, the nearest thing you will find to that machine, and provided you could live with a few minor human glitches, is… a coach!

A coach’s sole mission is to see you and relate to you in your best light. Your coach will hold a nurturing space for you in which they will look for each and everyone of your strengths and build on them in order to help you grab your goals with both hands. They will endorse and sanction your actions when you’re in doubt, encourage you when you feel the going is getting tougher than expected, validate you when you think nobody else would (including yourself), but most important of all they will hold the Vision for you to see during those times when even if you tried you wouldn’t be able to relate to it alone.

A coach will listen carefully to find opportunities to acknowledge your behavior, not only your actions but who you have been and still are. A coach will even learn your inner language in order to deliver acknowledgment in a way that may be comprehensible only to you…

But would you like to know what the best of all is? Your coach will be doing all this simply because it comes as a second nature to them, but by doing it they will be honestly and generously nurturing your innate self, your strengths and all those qualities that empower you and make you want to get out of bed in the morning and do things! By focusing on your qualities your coach may inadvertently multiply them. But would that be really done inadvertently?

Structures and you, provided you are “coachable” of course…

What? Isn’t everybody “coachable”? In theory, yes… but wait a minute…

What if I think that life is something that happens to me? That it was all meant to be and that all I can do about my present circumstances is suffer and whine? Or that in fact if it were left to me I would have never been where I am but it was all because of what happened one day in the past? Feedback and suggestions?That really rubs me the wrong way? Sure I have lots of goals wishes and desires but I can really do nothing about them! Finally, well ehh… it is not really a good moment for me now to invest in any of this esoteric stuff anyhow?

Well in that case you are certainly not “coachable” and the remainder of this conversation does not involve you…

You are still here? Well if you consider that you do want to make changes in your life, that you are stuck right now but understand that it is all in your hands and you want to be the master of your own destiny the manifestor of your circumstances, welcome! And how about some structure to make all that happen?

What strucure? How about a coach? Yes a coach. A coach is a structure that you can rely on to help you manifest that which is your true desire in your life. Of course, a coach will hold you accountable to your own words, sorry values (!) and remind you of your own committments with yourself. But what if I lose my spontaneity? What if I lose my… frrrreeeedom?

Well consider this: Having structure in your life in order to reach your goals is how you exercise your freedom not how you lose it. Why? Because if you did not have any structure or boundaries you would become the victim of anybody in your life who has one. Why? Because their structure would be imposed upon you and remember, it was put in place to support their goals, not yours. If you still have any doubts about the use of structure in your life let’s take a look at it right now and count the amount of structures you have already craftily but silently put in place in order to support your current beliefs (friends, committments, habits, coffee etc…).

Can you see it now? It is really not a matter of deciding whether to have structure or not in your life, it is just a matter of altering your current structures in order to foster and produce change. And… what better way to do that than hire a coach?

Structures and you, provided you are “coachable” of course…

What? Isn’t everybody “coachable”? In theory, yes… but wait a minute…

What if I think that life is something that happens to me? That it was all meant to be and that all I can do about my present circumstances is suffer and whine? Or that in fact if it were left to me I would have never been where I am but it was all because of what happened one day in the past? Feedback and suggestions?That really rubs me the wrong way? Sure I have lots of goals wishes and desires but I can really do nothing about them! Finally, well ehh… it is not really a good moment for me now to invest in any of this esoteric stuff anyhow?

Well in that case you are certainly not “coachable” and the remainder of this conversation does not involve you…

You are still here? Well if you consider that you do want to make changes in your life, that you are stuck right now but understand that it is all in your hands and you want to be the master of your own destiny the manifestor of your circumstances, welcome! And how about some structure to make all that happen?

What strucure? How about a coach? Yes a coach. A coach is a structure that you can rely on to help you manifest that which is your true desire in your life. Of course, a coach will hold you accountable to your own words, sorry values (!) and remind you of your own committments with yourself. But what if I lose my spontaneity? What if I lose my… frrrreeeedom?

Well consider this: Having structure in your life in order to reach your goals is how you exercise your freedom not how you lose it. Why? Because if you did not have any structure or boundaries you would become the victim of anybody in your life who has one. Why? Because their structure would be imposed upon you and remember, it was put in place to support their goals, not yours. If you still have any doubts about the use of structure in your life let’s take a look at it right now and count the amount of structures you have already craftily but silently put in place in order to support your current beliefs (friends, committments, habits, coffee etc…).

Can you see it now? It is really not a matter of deciding whether to have structure or not in your life, it is just a matter of altering your current structures in order to foster and produce change. And… what better way to do that than hire a coach?